There has to be…

“There has to be good men out there,” I know good men. Where’s mine? I find it scary when I am trying to convince a friend of good men existing and find an internal conflict.

Is it really that hard to be honest and communicate? I feel like I am not asking for a lot, and when it comes to women I am very easy going and laid back. From day 1 I will ask whoever I am dating to communicate with me. It’s no secret that I want to know what’s going on. I understand the need for space, matter of fact, I like my space. I like Girl Night and I enjoy taking a day off from someone. I like not talking for a day or two and I like and receiving texts saying, “Good (morning, afternoon, night) beautiful.” I don’t want to talk all the time, I don’t want to hang all the time, but sometimes I need availability. I want to know I am wanted.

Honest and clear communication. I can’t watch romantic comedies because they frustrate me. The problem can be easily fixed with some communication and clarifying what someone saw, or did not. Don’t play games and make assumptions. Ask me, tell me. Maybe it makes me weird, but if you’re not into me, just let me know. I don’t want to wonder about it during work. If you’re into me, let me know. If you need a weekend off and don’t want to talk or text on the phone TELL ME. I won’t be hurt, clarify that you like me and tell me you need a life sabbatical for a couple days, or you’ll be with your guys.

However, the problem with this request is most men are not honest. Guy weekend means a strip club, or the other woman. (I have never personally experienced this, but know from friends’ experiences). I am more trusting and will be so until proven otherwise, but if my gut says something is up, better prepare to be honest. I don’t do that though. I can be unobservant and figure if you’re in a relationship with me it is because you want to be.

Look, I’m not a number 2 choice type of girl. If you’re not into me and we’re not married don’t date me. If you’re dating and still playing the field and you think I’m really into you, tell me. Tell me, communicate. I will always fault you for not communicating with me, because I have made it clear from day one. Simple sentences work well, “So I am on day shift this week and could be going back to nights in a couple of days.” If you still want to be with me this should be the next sentence, “I want to be with you, let’s figure a way to make this work, I know last time it was strange, but you’re worth it and I want to work it out” (ok that was too much womanly communication, I’ll simplify it) “I want you. Let’s make a plan,” or “Night shift is hard and I want you to be my woman.” “ME LIKE YOU. ME WANT TO BE WITH YOU. PLAN TIME NOW.” Look the sentence and idea can be even simpler, but if you want to make something work tell me.

I want a man who will make me laugh uncontrollably, communicates with me, shares in my spirituality, can carry an intelligent conversation, listens and loves my voice, who does not bend to my every whim, who fights to be with me (even if it means fighting me), who I find attractive, who finds me amazing, who comes in a moment when I just need someone else in my apartment, who will dance with me or next to me, who will run the race I am running, who is on my team regardless, who has time for me, who challenges me, and who can make me shine brighter while I do the same.

There’s not a lot of men or even people who make me shine brighter and challenge the inner workings of my heart and being. But a man who communicates with me, there’s a start.

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